


The Nightmare Begins (differently)

by Readglare



Series: Everybody needs somebody sometimes [1]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Drug Use, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Species Swap, alot of cursing sowwey, jus weed n cigs, swap au, wa wa wa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27014938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readglare/pseuds/Readglare
Summary: This is a swap au except in this, Zims computer ( well a human version of him) becomes Zim and Gir's foster dad! In the meanwhile two aliens show up adding further annoyance to Zims already annoying life! how is zim going to deal with all this junk? Does dib ever get over his tallest issues? I guess well seeeeeee
Relationships: Dib & Gaz (Invader Zim), Dib/Zim (Invader Zim), Gaz/Tak (Invader Zim)
Series: Everybody needs somebody sometimes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971586
Comments: 61
Kudos: 96





	1. weird new kid

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing have mercy  
> My tumblr is @readglare where i have more deatils ok I love you thank you for reading!

It was a bright and disgusting day in the group home for unwanted kids (it's not called that but honestly that's what it is).

I woke up in my bed and my eyes shifted over to see what I was looking for was still sound asleep cuddled up against their small moose plushie we got at a visiting carnival last year. I rub my eye bags annoyed from the blaring sunlight in my face.

“Gir”  
“Gir’’  
“GIR”

The sleeping figure spazzed for a second before sitting up suddenly and screaming-  
“GOOOODMORNINGGGG”  
“GIR INSIDE VOICE ITS 6 AM”, I rub my already incoming migraine from the sudden loud noise. Geez, this is going to be a long morning isn't it?

We get out of bed and start our morning routines (hygiene, brushing hair, getting dressed) and start making our way to the exit as quickly as possible in hopes of avoiding- 

“Hold it right there.” 

I froze in my spot and groaned with annoyance.

Of course she was already awake.

Ms. Jackson, the child services lady incharge of our group home, stops us.  
“Zim i have to speak with you, you and Gir are getting transferred into another home”  
“WHAT?” I spun around in anger “AGAIN? Ms. Jackson please I turn 18 in two months and then I will legally be able to take care of Gir on my own! The last 5 houses we've been in have been terrible!” I sputtered. 

“ I know I know but I'm worried about you and I'm worried about Gir. Gir is too young and a lot to handle plus you're not exactly an angel Zim. The decision is final and you two are moving in next week. Just be thankful he wanted both of you and not just Gir. Not everyone wants a loud mouthed highskooler always giving them lip” Her eyes slowly started to squint into a glare by the end of her speech. 

I bit my tongue and felt my face grow red but then I remembered.  
“ Just a little more time and well be through with all this bullshit and we finally won't have to deal with these dumbass adults” 

“Ok. Fine. Stop fucking bothering me or Gir is going to be late to class.”  
I grabbed Gir’s hand and walked us out to continue our way to the hell hole called school.  
“ Don't worry Gir I’ll get us out of here and I’ll get a job and we'll find a nice place to live”  
“ Maybe this next person might not be so bad!” they joyfully shouted while skipping next to me. “ Maybe…” I respond back to them with false hope.  
“Yeah. Right. I'm sure this guy will be different from the last couple of bastards we dealt with. Jackson is right at least we're together this time unlike the last. Assholes all want the cute little kid then realize they have no idea how to deal with one.”  
I drop them off at their elementary skool that's just a block away from my own skool. “ Now remember Gi-” “ Don't talk to strangers and wait for you to pick me up!” they interrupted. “Love you bye!!!” Gir shouted before running off to greet their fellow skoolmates. 

I sighed

“It's only a few hours they'll be ok”  
~~~~~~~  
I make my way to class by pushing through the smellies that inhabit this god forsaken skool. I’m so glad this is the last year I'll have to deal with any of these asshats. Anymore time would just be torture at this point.

My home room teacher, Ms. Bitters glared at me as I made my way to my seat that was in the far left corner of classroom .

“ Good morning (bitch)”  
“ Go sit (your ass) in your seat and shut up”

The skool bell rang signifying the start to a shitty boring day.  
Or should I say shitty weird day?

“Class we have a new victim. Introduce yourself, child.”

“Who the fuck is that??”

The weirdest fuckin kid I’ve ever seen just walked into my class. He walked in first off in a trench coat?(what??), a ghost t-shirt, black jeans, a weird ass back pack and combat boots(??). He had short fluffy hair but a giant cowlick at the top of his head.  
Jesus his eyes almost looked like they were glowing a (really pretty) golden color. Is he new? Who the fuck does he think he is?

His introduction was even worse than his outfit.

“H h hello fellow students! I'm a new student here starting today! My name is Dib Membrane. I'm so pleased to have this opportunity to learn with my fellow huma-classmates! I hope we can all get along! I-” He was immediately cut off by Ms. Bitters.  
“Ok! That's enough! Now get to your seat or else..”  
The kids in the class started snickering as Dib immediately looked whiplashed by the attitude of the teacher.

Man, this kid’s hopes are gonna be crushed immediately .

I laughed along with the class until I realized how the only empty seat was right behind me which means I’m gonna be stuck with this big head ass weirdo for the rest of the school year. God fucking damn it.

Dib swiftly made his way to his seat behind me as I did my best to ignore him and any attempt of greeting he might even consider making.

While doodling on my paper instead of actually working I could feel his stare pierce through the back of my head.

I turned to him and growled “ What the fuck do you want worm baby” laced with as much venom as someone who’s only been awake for about 2 hours can muster.  
He blinked at me and responded with much more excitement then needed “Greetings! My name is dib membrane what’s yours?”  
It takes me a couple of seconds to pull myself together because it felt like this dude was peering into my soul...

“ Are you foreign or something? You talk like you've never met another person before”

“ I’m new! Did you miss that part in my introduction?” 

oh Oh ok so he's a smartass.

“ Zim doesn't waste his time listening to inferior worms”

“Oh your name is zi-pksbdnndj “ dib sputtered and blushed embarrassed as he fully comprehended what he just heard.

“Inferior? I thought the teacher had the highest level of authority in this room?” He raised his eyebrow questioningly. 

I blinked at him shocked. 

“Is that what Google told you?”

“Goo-gle?”

“You do know what google is… right?”

“...yes?”

“Where did you say you were from?”

Dib squints looking like he was trying to remember the name of a place he was born or just the name of any place at all “Florida?” he paused

“ Tallahassee, Florida” and looked very pleased with his answer.

“Oh my fucking god”

“ Are you an actual alien? or just crazy?” I got out between snickers (“this guy can't be serious.”) My cheeks heat up slightly as I try not to burst out laughing at the strange new kid.

Dib looked like he just saw a ghost.  
“Hey! I’m not crazy! I’m a perfectly normal human being if you even care to know that! Why are you so rude??”

“ Stop fucking bothering me and ill stop bothering you stink beast”

Yeah, definitely a long morning.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
A few months ago- on the Armada

“You're not joking right? You really mean it?” Dib looked up at his creator, eyes twinkling with excitement.

“ Now Dib I know you're excited but please remember the point of this mission. There's a lot of talk that you are too “unirken”. You need to prove yourself worthy of being the next eventual tallest incase of an emergency. I had such high hopes for you but so far you seem to be a failed experiment.” Dib ignored that last part.

“My tallest! Do not worry! Next time we meet I'll be the ruthless irken irk needs me to be.” Dib saluted though his antennae faltered slightly 

(“Jeez I have a ton riding on this”)

“I'm assigning Gazeline as your guard just in case you run into trouble there. 

(“He doesn't believe I can do this on my own.”) 

“Gaz!? My tallest, I do not need a smeet sitter! Plus I do not need her I already hav-”  
“Yes yes your so called sir unit you've created. Dib, she's only going to make sure you are safe and that you stay on task. I don't want a repeat of what happened on Vort.” Tallest Membrane sighed looking annoyed that Dib wont simply just accept and be gone already. 

My outburst caused a couple of irkens in the room to look up from their work and listen interested in the drama. 

“Your ship and any equipment you might need is already ready and packed. Your destination is a planet called Urth and so far it's been untouched by any other species” Membrane said glaring at the nosy ship technicians. 

They immediately all scrambled back to work.

“ Stop complaining and let's go already geez”

I spun around to the voice to see Gaz with her arms crossed and with an annoyed look on her face. Why does she always sneak up on me like that??

“ Ugh fine. My tallest you won't be disappointed!”

\---before skool/ present - Urth--

“Ok Gaz! I’m ready for my first day of this “Skool”. These homo sapiens won't know what hit them!”

“ Dib, we’ve been over this you are going to be beat to a pulp if you show up to class saying homo sapiens.” Gaz sneered at me

“She starts skool a week before I do and suddenly she's the earthling expert” I thought to myself feeling antsy to start my journey there as well. 

“ Stop giving me that look. I'm just trying to help. If you want to get beat up go ahead i'll buy some popcorn.”

“Popped corn?”

“ Did you not do any research?” she opened one eye at me and raised a brow

“Of course I did! I marathoned though a popular human documentary called mysterious mysteries! I know a bunch of normal human thingies, I even modeled my outfit after the main documentor!” I said in a humph. Bet she feels stupid now.

She smacked her face into her hands and whispered “ We’re doomed…”


	2. dad time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib calls his tallest and Zim meets his new foster parent

Dib nervously fiddled with end pieces of his coat as he awaited his tallest to call. He’s been on Urth for about a week and was excited to let his creator know he found the perfect subject to study.

Throughout the week, Dib observed all the students and teachers hoping to find a specimen that will satisfy his studies. No one even compared to Zim. Dib watched him closely during the week noting numerous moments that sparked interest. He noted how many underclassmen and even fellow students in their grade chose to avoid Zim (Was it out of fear? Respect?). Zim was an extremely smart student excelling especially in their science and math classes. If Zim was in a bad mood, it was best to avoid him altogether to avoid a conflict (which happened frequently around him). Zim had the absolute attitude of a seasoned warrior but had a high enough intelligence to gain even his own respect.

One thing that kept Dib curious though was Zim’s strange loyalty to two larger students who were considered quite popular in their grade. They were the only ones Zim did not lash out but it didn't look like it was out of friendship. More like out of duty… similar to maybe the dynamic between a smaller and a taller back on Irk…

A ringing sounded through the base pulling Dib out of thought. The sound signified his tallest was ready to speak with him.

Dib gulped and commanded “Computer! Patch the transmission through.”

Tallest Membrane appeared on the screen already distracted by whatever was in the tablet in his hand. Dib glanced next to him to see a uninterested Gaz though her antenne did pick up slightly at the sight of their leader. Dib fumbled his hands towards the back of his pak and pulled out notes he started taking since they first landed.

“Greetings My Almighty Tallest! I’m sure you will be very pleased to hear Gaz and I have successfully infiltrated without any idiot humans realizing! I’ve also found the perfect subject to study! His nam-”

“That's great Dib.” Membrane responded boredly. He looked up from his work “Gazeline, how are things running? Smoothly?”

Dibs antenna dipped downwards as he shuffled to the side to make room for Gaz to take his spot. “ So far the mission is going well, My Tallest.” She said as she stood as the soldier she was. “ We’re well adjusted.”

“That's good to hear. If that’s all I'll be taking my leave now. I have more pressing matters to attend to. ”

The screen blinked and he was gone.

Dib felt a growing pain on my squeedily spooch which he quickly dismissed. _He's the leader of the strongest empire in the galaxy. Of course he’s busy. I’ll talk about my findings next time for now I should work on expanding my research._

I must have said this out loud because Gaz gave me a strange look then turned and started walking to the door. Her holographic disguise was on by the time she reached the door. “I'm going to the mall. I’ll be back in a few hours. Don't die while i'm gone.”

“What's got you in such a rush?” I questioned before she walked out the door without answering me. Geez she was annoying.

Maybe I should try to find out where Zim lives.

For research purposes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Zim says this has been a strange week, he meant it. Non-stop every where he looked that fucking weird new kid was there.

There and staring right at him.

Though he couldn't blame him, it's not everyday you encounter someone as amazing as himself.

His only solace was lunch since Dib seemed too shy to approach him without an excuse. He made his way to one of the few people in this skool he could tolerate.

“Hey man! You look like shit!” Skoodge cheerfully shouted as I made my way over. He scowled at him “You would to after dealing with shit i’ve been dealing with all week”

“Oh you mean the new kid? Yeah he's a little strange but maybe that's just how Floridians are. I don't really know much besides the few crazy florida man stories I saw online.” He asked as he sipped on his juice.

“He's obsessed with Zim, Skoodge! Everywhere I turn I see his stupid big head! I know i’m amazing but I haven't exactly been the kindest to him! He should get the message already! Zim is not interested!” I huffed while poking at the supposedly edible lunch. I can't believe they're actually allowed to serve this.

“Sounds like someone has a crush~” Skoodge snickered when I shoved his shoulder out of annoyance.  
“ ZIM DOES NOT HAVE A CRUS-”  
“I didn't say you.” Skoodge interrupted, snickering at my growing blush.

“Whatever just shut the fuck up already. And hand Zim your gluten free cookies.”

“Take em. You are the only person I know who likes these.” he said pushing the delicacy to Zim’s grabby little hands.

Skoodge’s eyes widened slightly as he looked past Zim. Zim understood immediately and shot up from his seat to start making his way to the bathroom stalls to hide.

“Zim.”

God fucking damn it.

I stopped and turned to look up at the two shittiest people that went to this skool.  
Red smirked at the obvious fear written on my face while purple grinned at me amused at the sight. I already knew what they were going to ask.

“Give me til tomorrow. I’m moving into a new home today and-”

“You sure give us a lot of excuses Zim. I'm starting to worry you don't like us anymore~” Purple purred as he swung an arm around Red creating a wall in front of Zim.

“Nonsense! I promise tomorrow! Everything will be fine!” I smiled as confidently as I could.

“You better. I'd hate to be disappointed” Red chuckled glaring down at Zim like he was prey. “We’ll let you off this time but only because you’ve been so good lately”

“Come on Red, I want to go eat already.” Purple huffed to his companion. They both turned and left towards their table of other tall asshats that run the skool.

“Only a bit longer and I won't have to deal with this crap anymore.” I thought to myself as I felt resentment build up in my chest. “I have bigger things to worry about.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I picked up Gir and we went back our group home to be relocated. To say I wasn't freaking out the entire car ride would be a lie. I looked over at Gir who held my hand while hypnotized by the outside scenery. They were going to be ok. I’ll make sure they are. I’m prepared for any possible situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was definitely not prepared for this.

Ms. Jackson parked in front of the strangest house I've ever seen. For one it was teal with a purple roof. Ugly ornaments decorated the front lawn. Was the front door… a bathroom door?

“Are you sure this is the right place? I questioned. She looked and nodded at me. “Now remember kids, please try to behave this time.”

I held my breath not wanting to argue before we parted. This probably won't be the last time we see her. “Ok time to exit the vehicle. Once you grabbed all of your stuff we're going to greet your new caretaker.” she said shuffling out of the now off car.

We make our way to the front door and I try to ignore the fact the eyes of gnomes seem to be following us (??). I lift my fist to the door only for it to open immediately.

“Ah! You've finally arrived!” the strange man huffed. He wore a long lab coat with dirty pajamas on underneath. He was tan and had dark hair with a few odd gray hairs. He was wearing a bizarre pair of goggles that made it impossible to see his eyes.

“Please please come in! You must be Zim!” he smiled at me and offered his hand for me to shake. I stared at it before Gir suddenly grabbed it and shook it as hard as he could. “ and you must be Gir!” looking unfazed from the interaction.

“Well now that everything is settled i’ll be on my way. Call me if there are any problems Mr-” “Call me Haus” he cut her off without another thought.

She shrugged it off and was well on her way. I look back to our strange new caretaker to see him attempt to carry our things. “It's fine, I've got it” I said as I moved on past him.

“ Are you guys hungry? How about a movie and some popcorn? Have you guys ever seen star battles?” He grinned as he gestured towards the big tv screen and couch in the living room. “We’ll pas-” “ TV!!!” Gir suddenly screamed making a beeline for the couch.

I groaned and turned to Haus “ Where are we sleeping?”  
“ Oh! I completely forgot to show you guys your rooms!”

He guided me to my new room which was located right next to Gir’s. “ Here's the control panel for your room. Come out when you’re done getting settled in.” and turned his way to the kitchen.

Control panel? For a bedroom?

I look closely and read all the setting options and my eyes widen with surprise. There's an option to change the temperature, choose how open you want the window, to change the room color?? Who exactly was this guy??

I skeptically changed my room color to my favorite shade of purple and started unpacking my suitcase. I noticed I had my own bathroom and made my way into it. I glanced at the mirror and felt the familiar feelings of anxiety grow in my chest. I take a deep breath and repeat my mantra to stop the oncoming feelings.

“Only a little bit more time. Everything will be settled and no more bullshit. I graduate then me and Gir are out of here. We’ll be ok. You’ll be ok.” I breathed in, held it for 5 seconds, and blew out. “You’re ok”

I freshen up as well as I can with my limited inventory and left to go find my sibling only to see them having the time of their life watching cartoons. Haus was sitting at the other end of the couch looking completely lost at what was currently happening on the tv.

“You know we can watch a real show li-” Haus was cut off by Gir’s sudden scream. I fight off the smile trying to creep to my face “Don't get your hopes. Once Gir likes something it’s impossible to get them to give it up.”

Haus chuckled a little at that. “ So would you like to eat tonight? We can order takeout. I know a good Chinese place.” And started thinking of restaurant options to order from.

“Actually, I have to run out for a bit. I'll be back in about an hour.” I said slightly nervously. He didn't know what kind of reaction to expect.

Haus looked at him unsure. “ Is there something wrong? Do you need me to drive you somewhere?”

“No no it's ok I just want to stop by the pharmacy to pick up some over the counter allergy meds. It's fall and I'm pretty allergic to all the pollen in the air” I spoke nonchalantly “Zim is fine walking, do not worry. Just please watch Gir for me.”

His new guardian still looked skeptical. “Ok, only this time because I'm actually invested in whatever is happening in this cartoon now. Here's my number, call me if you need me.”

I waved goodbye to both of them and made my way out.

He didn't have to know I already have enough meds to last me the next two weeks. I just had to run a quick errand. It was already starting to get dark out so I quickened my pace to the nearest gas station.

I'm greeted by the familiar tired cashier working at this hour and go find the object of my desire to buy. I go back to the counter and place two packs of cigarettes and a soda in front of them and pay quickly in cash. The cashier grunted and rang up my order and counted my money.

“Here's the change. You really shouldn't be smoking”

“Lecture Zim when you find a real job.”

“Hey!”

I try to leave as fast as I came in when I ran into the worst possible person I could have run into on the way out.

Big golden eyes widened with shock as he readjusted his glasses. “Zim?”

_So much for being quick and discreet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe 
> 
> Thank u for reading <3 love u guys


	3. the deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh yeah dib time

_Fuck_

I try to push past him quickly but it's too late.

“Zim, wait!” Dib exclaimed at me. I felt a headache teasing its way into my head. 

_Great. This is just great._

As I glare at him, I start to fully realize our difference in height. 

_Jeezus, he was probably a full head taller than me._

“What do you want, stink monkey? Can't you see the almighty Zim is busy?” I said as I continued my way out of the premise. He followed behind me quickly.

“Since I ran into you, I wanted to ask if we could go on a date?” he asked in a casual tone. 

_HUH?_

I spun around to meet his eyes “What??? AS IF I would date a WEIRDO like you!” I felt my face heat up and I cursed to myself. 

Dib’s eyebrows immediately scrunched up in confusion and worry. “Did I not say the right thing? Is a date not an opportunity to get to know a fellow human?

I blinked and remembered who I was talking to. If this kid turned out to be an alien or something of the sort, I wouldn't even be surprised. We stopped under a street lamp and I could finally see his face clearly. 

I collected myself and fixed my hair which got a little shaken up from my outburst “No, a date is something you do with someone you're interested in romantically.”

Dib processes the information and his face starts blooming red. “Oh! Oh no! I didn't mean it like that-” 

“Woah woah woah. Look. It's fine now, so stop blushing because you look like a tomato.” I giggled at his complexion. 

I placed my hands in my pocket and felt one of the packs. _Might as well if I'm gonna be out here for a while. Plus it's not like I'm going to get the opportunity back at the house._

“So you meant that you wish to hang out with me? Become ‘best buddies’?” I said sarcastically as I pulled out a cigarette from the pack and brought my lighter from out of my pocket. 

“Yes! I wish to do that!” Dib, having regained his composure, stated as if that was obviously what he meant. He eyed me curiously as I lit the end of the stick and breathed in the fumes. “What is that thingy in your mouth?” he asked.

I looked at him and blew the smoke in the direction of his face and watched him try to bat it away as if it was a bug. 

“ATTACK?! ARE YOU TRYING TO POISON ME?!” he screamed and I burst out laughing. 

“First off, no, I don't want to associate with you. Second, it's a cigarette there's no way you haven't seen one of these before. Thirdly, yes. Definitely. I am attacking you at this moment. Flee out of fear of the mighty ZIM,” I responded, lifting my fingers to the sides of my face and pretending they were fangs. 

Dib looked at me, annoyed. “Wow, you are so hilarious.” But he relaxed a little knowing that he wasn't in danger. “Still, you haven't explained the purpose of these ‘cigar-rets’.”

“Do I need a reason?” I take another hit and feel the nicotine start to buzz in my brain. 

Dib looked skeptical but didn't know enough about the subject to bother me more about it.

“What are you doing here anyways?” I asked, ashing the cigarette and letting the dust fall to the ground. I felt slightly guilty about it but not enough to find a proper means of disposing.

“Gaz sent me out to restock our human snack supplies of ‘chips’ and ‘recharging fluids’,” he said flatly but then looked down at his hands as if he just remembered something. “AND I forgot them. Oh forget it, she can just kill me. I don't want to walk back.” He shrugged it off.

“I mean you should probably start heading back, it looks pretty cloudy.”

Dib looked up to see, in fact, a storm seemed to be rolling in.

“Why does it matter if its cl-” Dib suddenly starts screaming as rain pours down on them both. 

“Jeezuz christ, stupid, it’s just...rain?” I was about to scold him but then realized that Dib was smoking?? 

I quickly threw my jacket over Dib’s face and yelled, “Shit! Shit! Uh, there's no close shelter I think we're going to have to make a break for it.”

Dib flailed his arms towards a general direction and shouted over the roar of the shower. “My house is close. I need to get there quickly.”

We quickly ran through the downpour as I followed Dib’s directions and led us both back to his house. We finally arrived and I opened the door. We immediately were blasted with warm air.

“Man, that feels nice,” I sighed, still out of breath.

“Right?” Dib took the sweater off his head.

“WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK!!!” I screamed, pointing right at Dib. 

Dib’s eyes widened in confusion and he started to pat his face. Oh no. oh no no no no no no no. 

“Did you really forget to make your disguise waterproof??” Gaz said while almost smiling, then burst out laughing. She was sitting in the kitchen unnoticed by both of us. “I can't believe you’re the one in charge of the mission.”

My head was still spinning at seeing a real life alien in front of me. He was the same tall height except his hair was replaced with two antennas, slightly crooked. _They kind of look like lightning bolts._ His normal complexion was now replaced with a much greener one. His glasses were now big blue goggles that covered a third of his face. His face looked pale in distress.

I tried to recollect myself. 

_So what, he's an alien? Are you even that surprised? He's not even scary looking._ _He actually looks kind of -_ _. Nope. Nope. That's a later problem._

“Can't we just, like, wipe his brain or something? Make him like...a human vegetable?” Gaz said, going back to focusing on her hand-held game.

“No!” Dib and I both shouted at the same time. 

“Dib-thing, look. To be honest I shouldn't even be that surprised. If you want, we can work out a deal where your sister doesn't turn me brain dead and I don't expose you to the FBI,” I said while eyeing the room. _Won’t hurt to see if there are any escape vantage points or cool alien things._ Until my eyes landed back on Dib.

“What kind of deal?” Dib stared curiously back. 

Suddenly a small pitter patter became a much louder one and I found myself on the floor, tackled by a small little robot. Big orange lights nearly blind me. 

“Master! I didn't know you were going to bring friends back! Is this the boy you've been talking about?! Hi! Nice to meet you! I’m Kir, but you can call me Keef! Man, we never get guests here-” The robot rambled even after its master came over and lifted it off of me.

“Well for starters, I wanna see your tech. I like makin’ robots ‘n shit and adding an alien laser or two could be cool,” I said while staring, slightly fascinated by the hyperactive robot in Dib’s arms.

“Well if that's the case then I want you to teach me how to be more human! You've said it yourself, I stick out like the hurt finger.”

I extended my hand out to the Dib. 

“So it's a deal?”

Dib eyed my hand cautiously before accepting my offer and reluctantly shaking my hand. 

“So for starters it’s a sore thumb, not hurt finger. I know they are the same thing but trust me if you don't want to receive a wedgie you’ll call it that.” 

Dib pulled out a tablet from his backpack thing and oh my god is he writing that down??

“Also do not take notes. God you’re so fucking nerdy. On an unrelated note what is that thing on your back? Is it like a storage unit?” I try to walk behind him to get a closer look but Dib dodges out of the way. 

“Masssttterr why won't you show him your pak?! Don't you want to be friends??” Kir screamed, still squirming in Dib’s arms. _Pak?_

“Isn't it kind of late for you to still be here right now?” Gaz asked lazily. She then got up from her chair and started making her way to the living room.

I looked down at my phone to see that it was 11pm. _Shit. I didn't even realize how long I’ve been out._

“We are continuing this conversation on monday you hear me?” I say as I start to make my way out.

“Wait! Zim! Your jacket!” Dib quickly handed over my clothes. I leave without another word. 

_Man that was a lot to take in. God. I totally forgot about Gir and Haus they're going to kill me._

I ran back home, getting drenched by the still pouring rain. I make it back to the house quickly enough. _Dib’s house is only a block away from this one. That could be useful for the future. Wait. Why would that be useful? This isn't even a permanent thing._ I knock on the door and am quickly led inside.

“Zim?? Where have you been? You're soaking wet! I told you to call me if you needed a ride.” Haus said very concerned about my appearance. I wouldn't blame him, I probably look like a washed up rat.

“I’m fine. I just got caught out in the rain with a friend and forgot the time. Where’s Gir.” I take my jacket off and place it on a chair to dry. God damn i’m fucking cold. 

“Gir fell asleep after they ate and I haven't moved them from the couch yet.” He gestured to the couch where I saw Gir’s sleeping form curled up around his mini moose plush. A small wave of relief hits me. It looks like they had a good time. 

“Well i’m going to have a shower and get changed then i'll move Gir back to their room.” I start walking to my room as Haus keeps trying to talk to me.

“Wait? Have you eaten? You didn't have anything before you left.” Haus said worried. 

My memory tries to backtrack to the last time i ate which was probably….lunch? I also just realized I abandoned my soda when trying to find shelter for Dib-stupid. 

_Dumbass owes me a soda._

I wave my hand dismissively. “Do not worry, Zim is fine. Goodnight.” And open my door to my room. 

“But-” Haus is cut off by the closing of my door. 

_Man I don't want to deal with that right now. Let me get warm and i’ll fucking t r y to think about the fact the weird new kid is also a weird_ _cute_ _alien. Maybe I can actually get some real sleep here._ Though I already knew that wasn't likely. 

_Whatever. That's a tomorrow problem._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading also thank u for all the support so far <3 love u guys!


	4. small gaz intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gaz goes on a earth "date"

I wouldn't say I exactly love earth, actually if anyone asked i’d say quite the opposite. It’s filthy and polluted. The inhabitants of the planet all treat each other like shit. Everyone is forced to waste years learning nothing to get a useless piece of paper that will allow them to slave away for the rest of their short, insignificant lives. I couldnt wait to get off this stupid dirt ball and get back to my home. 

_ That's not being picky or judgemental, it was my belief.  _

Babysitting the tallest’s experiment had some perks. It was basically a shitty vacation, I just had to make sure he didn't die. In the meanwhile, I found things to keep me busy.

  
  


Within my first week of school, a girl approached me. She was a bit taller than me, piercings, and bright purple hair. She introduced herself to me and ever since has been hanging around me. She introduced me to many earthly things under the impression I was just the new foreign kid who moved here with her weird older brother. 

I didn't pay much mind to it. I found her company not terrible and she was feeding me helpful information. I don't understand what sparked an interest of me to her but I won't argue. 

So when she invited me to this “mall”, I didn't see any reason to decline. 

I showed up and she was waiting by the entrance. She was looking boredly at her phone so I decided to take a photo of her and send it to her. After a minute her eyes widened and looked around for me. When she spotted me she smiled at me while I made my way closer. 

“Gaz! You finally decided to show up! Come on, I have many things to show you.” Tak said, almost excitedly gesturing to the door.

“You’re lucky I came at all.” I try to say nonchalantly.

As we walk she extends a hand to me in which after a moment I realized I was meant to take it. I threw Tak a puzzled look which caused her face to immediately grow bright red. She lowers her hand and fidgets with her fingers.

“Oh! I’m sorry- I mean I- I didn't mean it like that! Usually people hold hands so they don't get separated.” She very quickly tried to explain herself. She looks like she wants to shrink away and now I have to do damage control.

I reached out and grabbed her hand “ It’s ok. Where did you want to take me first?” I asked casually while feeling my own face heat up slightly. Wait, my face is heating up?That's strange.  _ Maybe I need to check my pak vitals later and see if anythings wrong. _

Tak visibly relaxed and entangled her fingers with mine. “Well first off, I have to show you this place awesome clothes store that sells a lot of clothes with your style, then this video game store I think you'll really enjoy-”

“What's a videogame?”

I ended up having a really good time wandering around the mall with Tak. I purchased a few articles of clothing, a video game- thingy with Tak’s recommendation, and a few games that caught my eye. As we were leaving, she was already asking me to hang out again.

“So, me and a couple of people are hanging out this weekend to go and smoke if you're interested- of course you don't have to participate if you don't want to. These things usually end up either boring or a dramafest and I think you'll make it more tolerable.” She looked at me looking slightly nervous for my response. 

“Sure. I have nothing better to do” I smirked when her face lit up. Humans sure are easy to please. 

“Cool! It’s a date.” she said slightly squeezing my fingers in her hand. “Well, my ride is here but I'll see you soon! Today was fun thanks for coming.” She leaned in close to me and pressed her lips on my cheek.

“Goodbye!” and then quickly disappeared to her vehicle.

I lifted my hand to my face checking and immediately noticed it burning. 

_ What on Irk was that? Did she poison me? Or is this just how earthlings say goodbye to each other? _

I spent the whole way getting back home thinking about my day with Tak. I made it to my home and made my way inside.

“Computer! What is a “date”?” I commanded. Before the technology could answer, the sound of metal pitter pattering got louder and louder. 

“DATE?! WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW DID SOMEONE ASK YOU ON A DATE??” The kir unit screamed as he arrived in front of me.

_Irk, Dib’s stupid little invention was going to give me what the humans call an “aneurysm” ._

“That's not important. I just need to know what it means. Also do not tell Dib any of this.” She said as she sat down to be educated about feelings from a tiny robot that watches rom-coms all day.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the slow updates i have depression :p have this short tagr moment <3


	5. makeover makeover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zim heads out n picks up the alien nerd on his way

I woke up to the buzz of my cell phone lighting up my dark room. I sat up slightly to see who the fuck was bothering me so early in the morning. My eyes burned from the sudden brightness of my phone.

\+ 2 New Messages from Red🤧😳🤠 +

(10am) Red: “Yo we have plans today remember??”

(11:37am) Red: “Bruh how tf do you sleep for so long”

_ Ah shit it's almost 12. I must have forgotten to set my alarm last night… that idiot Dib-alien-thing! I totally forgot all the shit that happened last night. Uggghhh I still don't have time to deal with it. For now I just gotta get into some not shitty clothes and dip. dip.dibp. Dib. Why does he have such a stupid name anyways. I mean, I guess being an alien expl-STOP GETTING DISTRACTED!! _

(12:05pm) ZIM: “ Im still coming I just was distracted last night and forgot to set my alarm. Once I get dressed ill head out.”

(12:06) Red: “u bettteeerrrrr also bring snacks if u can”

_ Ugh _

I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to freshen up. I grimaced at the permanent eye bags that I had but also acknowledged in order to make them go away I'd have to sleep properly which was almost impossible at this point. When I actually attempt to sleep, all I get are fucked up nightmares or the weirdest shit imaginable. I thought back to my dreams last night.

_ Not as bad as usual. Same amount of vagueness except this time it featured a certain big headed alien that's been a thorn in my ass since he's gotten here. Hmm. I’m surprised I'm not more shocked but also he doesn't even understand basic human nature like purchasing convenience store snacks. _

I messed with my hair a little trying to make it look more presentable but ultimately failed. I looked around and groaned.

“I’m out of fucking hair jelly. God damn it. They're gonna roast the shit out of me,” I mumbled combing through my hair with my fingers in an attempt to get it out of my eyes. 

I glanced at my cosmetics bag that I’d left unopened since me and Gir moved in. I opened it and dug around until I found what I was looking for. I brought my eyeliner pencil to my eye and drew a shitty wing. 

_ Maybe I can try to pull off some edgy ‘I don' t care’ look. It’ll make up for my hair at least. _

I finished the other wing and smudged a little under my eye for the ‘i look dead look’ then evaluated how I looked.

I looked like shit but in a cool way. 

Satisfied, I left to throw on some clothes I found at ‘Good Drive’ and grabbed a bag to throw my shit into, then went to the living room to check on Gir. They weren't on the couch anymore which led to a small second of panic before I heard the yelling coming from the kitchen. 

“Gir?? Did you poison the waffles??” Haus screamed followed by what sounded like a mix of coughing and laughter. He grabbed a nearby glass of water and chugged it down trying to remove the taste of soup from his mouth. 

Gir giggled as they continued pouring mix into the already overwhelmed waffle marker. That thing isn't going to last a week. 

“I should've warned you that Gir likes to add ‘special ingredients’ to their waffles. They think it makes them special but really it's just a recipe for guaranteed food poisoning.” I chuckled a little bit at the scene before going back to my stern composure. 

_ I don't want this guy thinking I'm some sort of pushover. I have no idea if he's crazy or not.  _ I squint slightly at the grown man still dressed in yesterday's pajamas. 

Haus turned to the direction of my voice and smiled. “Zim! You’re awake! I have such fun plans for this weekend if you and Gir are up for it. I heard there's a zoo nearby that has amazing hot dogs.” He adjusted his weird-ass sunglasses as he spoke.

“WILL THERE BE ZEBRAS?? MONKEYS??” Gir immediately screamed. Both me and Haus cringed slightly at the volume. 

“Gir! What did I say about yelling?!” I asked sternly. Gir rubbed their chin like they were completely lost in thought trying to remember my words. 

“Oh!!!!! Yelling is for outside and strangers!!!” Gir smiled brightly at me.

I couldn’t help but smile back as I made my way over to give them a pat on the head. 

“Exactly! Good remembering Gir!” I turned to Haus, blushing slightly with embarrassment at the display. “As for plans, I promised a couple of friends I'd hang out with them today and I'm already kind of late. Zim is a man of his word!” I announced at the end.

Haus frowned slightly at the news. “I guess it’ll just be me and Gir today” He picked up his plate, discarded the inedible waffle in the trash, then made his way to the sink to clean. “I hope you don't mind that, Gir.” 

Gir simply stuck out his tongue, too distracted by their batter mix to care. 

“If you take Gir out, they can get overstimulated very easily and it can go south very fast. You gotta pay attention to the cues unless you want to see a full mental breakdown in front of the penguin exhibit.” I informed Haus without taking my eyes off Gir. “Maybe try to avoid big crowds and babies.” 

“Well, I’ll make note of that…” Haus mumbled. I turned to look at him again.

“I should get going.” I grab a small snack and put it in my bag. “Don’t wait up for me.” 

“Well, if you need me you have my number. Don't be afraid to call if you need any help, I'm not judgemental,” Haus let me know.

_ It’s funny if he thinks I’d ever ask him or anyone in general for help. I can handle myself and also I'm not even doing anything that could be considered dangerous. _

I threw up a peace sign and exited the house. My thoughts started to drift off slightly to the deal I made yesterday with Dib. 

_ If he wanted to learn about human shit maybe hanging out with them could be a start… but that would involve me having to actually invite him. He could provide entertainment, though… plus it might be nice to have someone who's not a complete ass… no other reasons. This is purely for our deal’s benefit. Maybe he’ll give me a fuckin’ laser after. His house is also on the way, so not like I’d be going out of my way. _

I unconsciously started making my way towards Dib’s house, the address still fresh in my mind. By the time I made my way to the door, I immediately regretted wanting to invite him. I turned to leave but was stopped by the door suddenly slamming open.

“Zim! I wasn't expecting you! My computer alerted me of your presence,” Dib announced to me. He was in his human disguise except he was missing his trench coat. He adjusted his glasses and threw me a slightly concerned look. 

“You’re not here to tell me you’ve decided to expose me, right? If that's the case you have a few seconds to exit the premise before my security activates-” 

I cut him off. “If I was going to expose you, why would I come here and let you know? I would just tip off the FBI or something. I'm not a dumbass.” I furrowed my eyebrows at him, annoyed now.  _ How dare he even consider the thought that I wouldn't plan something like that ahead. Why am I even here in the first place. _

“I was going to invite you to actually socialize with people, but I’ve changed my mind. Goodbye.” I flipped him off and turned to walk away. He suddenly grabbed me by the shoulder catching me by surprise and I turned back at him.

“Wait wait wait! Wait, I want to go. I apologize for being what the earthlings call ‘snarky,’ my servant has been rambling for hours over this ‘dating’ show called ‘Love Peninsula’ or whatever. Please, this can be great for my research!” he said, eyes looking at me pleadingly.

_ Fucking jesus FUCK STTTOOPPP I cant just hhhhhhhhh why does he have to have such a nice looking face coulcn’t he have disguised himself as like an old person or something. _

“FINE! Just stop staring at me, you look like a bug. Follow my lead and dont be fuckin weird or else ill kick your ass back to Mars.” I begrudgingly avoid eye contact with him in an attempt to still feel like I'm the one in control. 

Dib suddenly broke out in a smile. “Let me grab my coat!” he said and started to make his way towards it before I stopped him. 

“It’s probably better if you don't. They'd probably assume you're a murderer or something.” I looked at him up and down. “Maybe change your shirt to something a little less nerdy.”

“What's wrong with my shirt?!” Dib gasped offendedly like he wasn't wearing horribly embarrassing Mysterious Mysteries merchandise. Why would anyone buy that.

I sighed and took out my phone from my pocket to let Red know I’m gonna be late by another hour or two.

I rub my face with annoyance. “Zim is going to assume that most of your clothing is within this range of terribleness?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

Dib sputtered for a second, angry with my attack against his proud wardrobe. “Hey!! This shirt is cool! It’s a cool shirt!” 

“Take me to your closet right now, I’m not about to get roasted by my friends because you decided to dress like a fanboy.” I pushed past him and started heading into the household. “Better yet, is your sister home? I know her style isn't terrible. Maybe you can borrow one of her shirts.”

“She's not home right now. Her room is right across from mine upstairs, but I’m not really in the mood to get murdered by her.” Dib scratched the back of his head, probably thinking about the torture his sister would inflict on him for stealing her possessions. 

“What she doesnt know won’t kill her. Just return it before she notices.” I said as I made my way towards her room. “We’ll probably have to thrift for clothes another time but for now anything is better than what you have.”

I entered her room and immediately started rummaging through her closet. Dib was standing at the entrance, not really sure if he should enter or just leave the scene of the crime all together, causing him to look like he was doing a funny little dance.

“Stop being a baby. Here.” I handed a large graphic t-shirt with an old emo band on the front of it to the nerdy wreck and watched him lift it up to observe. 

“I don't even know who these people are. Are you sure this is better than what I have?” He raised an eyebrow at me skeptically. All I could do in response was stare back at him like he was questioning the obviously right answer. I smirked and walked a little closer to him.

“What, you don't trust me, space boy?” I held eye contact with him, causing my face to burn slightly. Honestly, he had very beautiful eyes, but now I was even more curious about his real ones. 

“I-- uh-- fine. You win.” He gaped at me like a fish before inevitably giving up. He nonchalantly started taking his shirt off which caused me to turn away, facing burning harshly. 

“What are you doing?!” I squeaked out, covering my eyes with one hand and using the other to smack at him. 

“Hey, HEY! What are you doing?? I thought you said to wear this shirt? Hey! Stop smacking me!” Dib yelled back, confused. 

“You’re not supposed to change in front of other people! It’s basic manners. Jesus... Did you even do any research before coming here??” I crossed my arms and turned back to him, but I avoided looking at him. “Just go to the bathroom and put on the stupid shirt already.”

“Humans… you’re all so weird,” Dib mumbled as he walked to the bathroom.

When he's gone I immediately smack both my hands to my face and start rubbing my face.

_ WHY DID I FREAK OUT SO BADLY UGH!! It’s not even uncommon for dudes to change shirts infront of each other, am I just stupid?? He’s going to think I’m weird or worse. Oh wait, I'm wearing makeup. Probably shouldn't be touching my face so much. _

After a few mins, Dib came out already looking a lot better. The shirt that would've been oversized on the shorter sibling fit Dib perfectly. I looked at him, unable to stop myself from wanting to continue playing dress up. 

“I have an idea. Sit on the edge of the Gaz-thing's bed,” I told him. Dib raised an eyebrow at me but complied. 

“You’re lucky I brought my eyeliner. I’m gonna make you look fuckin’ awesome,” I said a bit too excitedly. I reached for my bag and dug out the small travel makeup kit I saved for ‘emergencies’ like this. I leaned in close to him. Since he was sitting, I had the height advantage for the most part (even though he was still annoyingly tall as shit). I gently took off his glasses and brushed some of his loose locks away from his face. 

“Look up and try not to blink too much.” 

I tried my best to draw a nice wing without letting my nerves and my own slightly racing heart mess me up. I used my left hand to hold his head steady while I used the right to apply the makeup. When I was done, I put down my tool and held up his face, turning it slightly left and right so I could see if both sides looked good. The wings were symmetrical which made me feel a small sense of pride in my chest. I then mussed his hair slightly to compliment the look. 

When I backed up to look at the final product, I couldn't hold back the smile that came with it.  “See! You look a million times better. You have so much potential to look awesome. Would you ever consider getting piercings? You know what, that's a later thing. Come look in the mirror and compliment Zim’s work.” 

Dib sheepishly got up to look into the mirror and examined his new look. 

“Ok… maybe I kind of like this. I still like my other shirt but I will acknowledge that I look ‘ok’.” Dib said begrudgingly but also eyes never leaving the mirror. 

I walked up next to him and looked at us in the mirror. 

“Thank you.” Dib made eye contact with me through the mirror and I felt my face turn red. 

“No problem... that's what friends are for right?” I nervously chuckled.

Dib's eyes suddenly widened. “We’re friends?” He turned to look at me. “I’m your friend?” He lifted a finger to point at himself as if there was anyone else in the room.

I squinted at him and pushed him playfully. “Shut up, you’re gonna make me regret it.” I paused for a second. “Also if anyone asks, Zim is denying it.” 

All of a sudden, Dib scooped me up into a hug. “A partner! This is all I needed! How good are you at experiments? Are you interested in hunting and researching creatures? Oh, this is great! We can be great!” 

“I change my MIND!! Let me go!!” I squirmed out of the embrace. If I wasn’t red before I probably looked like a tomato now. “Look, I know you got excited, but give me a heads up next time, jeez.”

I patted down my shirt that got ruffled from the action. “You’re acting like you’ve never had a friend before,” I said jokingly but the blank expression on Dib’s face made me think I accidentally told the truth.

“Not many people...enjoy my presence to say the least. Back on Irk, I was for the most part ignored by my peers except Gaz and My Tallest… and even they are a little distant with me.” Dib sighed. He suddenly got a sad look on his face which made me feel instantly guilty for making the joke.

“Dib, you may be annoying but you’re pretty fun too. Feel lucky. Zim sparingly offers his amazing friendship. Plus they sound like assholes.” I crossed my arms casually. “What was it you asked about experiments? I think after this makeover you owe me a visit to your lab.”

Dib’s eyes immediately lit up again. “Yes!! I do! But also don't we have somewhere to be?”

I looked down at my phone and saw that literally an hour and a half had passed. 

“Fuck!! You’re right, but you owe me. Common, let's go, stinky.” I rushed out of Gaz’s room and down the stairs. 

“One second!” Dib yelled from upstairs. He appeared a minute later with his trench coat.

All I could do was sigh. It was too late to have another fight about this and Dib knew it. Dib smugly made his way to the door and opened it for me. “The coat is cool and I’m not leaving without it.”

“I hate you.” I mumbled as I walked past him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks to ray for proof reading and being hilarious <3 ily


	6. turkey bong

As we made our way to the destination, Zim informed me on the proper, as he would phrase it, “dos and dont’s”.

“Red and Purple are kind of super pda so if you see them on top of each other, you're better off just leaving them alone. They live by themselves so they kind of do whatever they want. Don't step on their toes if you don't wanna deal with their bitching,” he said as he walked beside me. He looked down at his phone again to check if he received any more texts complaining about his tardiness.

“Also, you don't have to do any of the shit we do. They might call you boring, but like who cares.”

I mentally took note of all these things as we walked. __

_ I wish Zim would let me write this down, it would be a lot easier to remember. _

“Pda?” I quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“Public displays of affection. So like hugging, hand holding, kisses, etc all that mushy shit.” He stuck out his tongue with disgust.

“You humans are so strange. Shouldn't it be expected that mates are affectionate with each other? I don't understand the need to make a whole word for it,” I told him, interested.

_ Humanity really is so strange. Their rituals and societal norms are so unnecessary but deemed so important. My tallest would probably find this most amusing. _

I paused in thought.

_ I haven't spoken to my tallest in quite a bit. He hasn't responded to my requests for a call but I’m sure he’s just overwhelmed as he always is. _

“Hey, stink brain, hurry up we’re here.”

I look to see a “mobile home” as Zim has explained to me. The windows glowed with light and music could be faintly heard from the vehicle. Zim walked up to the door and knocked a few times. After a few seconds the door swung open and a very tall guy with a jacket and a short ponytail, holding a bag of chips, stood in the doorway. 

“Zim! You finally decided to show up! And you brought a nerd. Yo, babe! Zim brought a fucking nerd!!” Purple loudly announced to his boyfriend and the rest of their guests. He stuffed a few chips in his mouth and waved his hand signalling for us to come on in. “Mmph comph right in!”

As we walk in, I immediately recognize Gaz sitting in the corner of the couch, very distracted by her purple-headed peer. She looked over at me and appeared shocked, then angry (in realization I stole her clothing without permission), then nonchalant as she went back to focusing on the girl chatting away. There were a few other people I didn't recognize and I assumed the person Purple had went over to kiss was Red.

“Soooo what do we do now?” I rocked slightly on my feet. This was my first time interacting with other humans besides Zim and I really wanted to make a good impression.

“We vibe.” Zim pulled out his extra case of cigarettes and tossed them to Red. He then proceeded to grab two bottled drinks off the coffee table and looked for a place to sit.

“You might die if you try to drink alcohol, so here's a soda which I think you can drink?” He spotted a group of bean bags across from the coach. “Here, come sit with Zim.” 

As I sat on the strange chair, I sunk into it, immediately causing me to panic. “Chill out, Dib, it's a chair. You won't die,” Gaz said, laughing at my failure to understand Earth furniture. “Also next time you take my shit, I’ll destroy all your precious toys, starting with that one.” She glanced over at Zim. 

I sputtered, embarrassed and slightly scared as Zim and Tak burst out laughing. I realized Zim probably didn't notice or understand the last part, otherwise he probably would have attempted to attack us both.

“SO who wants to do illegal substances?!” Red shouted happily as he held up his turkey shaped “bong.”

“I still can’t believe you actually bought that stupid thing,” Tak grumbled

Purple gasped dramatically and leaned against Red like a soap opera character. “My dearest Tak… How could you say such cruel words…to the best purchase we ever made.”

“Purple, be careful I just changed the water.” Red lifted the delicate glass object above his head with his left hand so he could properly support his mate. 

“Anyways though.” Red made his way over to sit on his coach. He placed the glass turkey onto the table and then pat his lap, signalling his partner to sit on him. Purple happily complied, sitting down and whispering something into the other’s ear, causing them to both snicker. 

Zim tapped on my shoulder and leaned in close to me. “This is also included in the stuff you probably shouldn't do.” Purple leaned over and started the smoking process while me and Gaz decided to opt out. We watched as the circle of teenagers laughed and coughed smoke, the smell of the burning filling the air.

Zim seemed on edge the entire time. He was staring at the couple, his eyes constantly darting between them and the substances. He was bouncing his leg slightly.

Zim noticed me staring at him and suddenly frowned. “I'm gonna go outside for air and maybe a smoke. I don't know.” He suddenly stood up and rushed to the door. “I’ll be back.”

Wow. That was weird. Before I could make my way to go check on Zim, Red suddenly plopped right next to me. Purple seemed distracted talking to the girls about a new shop that recently opened at the mall. 

“You know you’re like the first person Zim’s ever brought to a hang out?” Red said casually as he sipped on a soda. 

“I am?” I asked, a little surprised.

“Zim barely opens up to anyone, he barely calls us friends anyways.” He watched Purple and the girls chat. “He’s been through a lot of shit. Shitty people. I don’t know, me and Purple try to help him be included but he loves to avoid us.” Red sighed a little.

“So how did you guys become friends?” I asked curiously. If I was gonna learn more about Zim, this was definitely a start.

“Well we both got detention a lot together which forced us to interact. Honestly, at first we were assholes to each other but then we realized we’re kind of similar. Both had shitty homophobic parents. The usual shabang except I managed to leave on my own accord and live with Purple for a while. Then we moved here after a lot of part-time jobs and late nights. Zim wasn't as lucky as I was.” Red leaned back into the bean bag, furrowing his eyebrows a little at the memories. 

I was in complete shock over this news. And also a little confused. Definitely going to have to look up some words when I got home. 

“Why are you telling me all of this?” I asked.

“Well you’re definitely not gonna find out from him. And secondly I don't want you to blame yourself when he inevitably tries to ghost you.” Red chuckled slightly.

Before I could respond, Red got up and walked to his kitchen to look for more snacks. Guess he got bored or something. I took that as an invitation to go check up on Zim. I got up and walked out the door. I looked around for the gremlin and saw him sitting on the ground, leaning against a tree. He seemed a little lost in thought. He was fumbling around with a cigarette. It wasn't lit, he seemed more interested in twiddling it between his fingers.

“Zim?” I called out to him softly so he wouldn't get startled by the sudden noise. 

Zim slowly looked up at me blankly before it turned into a scowl.

“What do you want, Dib-stink? Can’t you see I’m busy?” he said in a hushed tone. It didn't have its usual bite which was probably an indicator he was upset about something. 

“And what is it you’re so busy with?” I asked, seating myself against the tree as well. 

“None of your business.” He looked back to his cigarette and proceeded to start trying to bend it as much as he could without ruining it. 

I watched the light of the setting sun hit his face which gave Zim an almost glowing effect. I almost wished I could have captured the scene. His face looked a lot more relaxed than it was when we were inside. Watching him mindlessly focus on whatever he was trying to achieve was actually pretty nice. A couple of minutes of silence passed before he suddenly started speaking again. 

“I fucking hate these things.” He sighed as he lifted the object of said hatred. “But, that's not going to change anything.” He started bending it again, but with more purpose.

“They're filled with chemicals meant to make you feel like you need them. Little sticks of torture and death. Just like most things in this world.” He succeeded in tearing the cigarette in half. 

I suddenly processed what he was saying. “They’re deadly?! These little things are killing you??” 

“Yeah lol,” Zim responded nonchalantly.

Before Zim could react I made a grab at the rest of the pack I know he kept in his pocket.

_ Zim will ruin my whole plan if he's unhealthy or worse! What good is a study subject dead?! _

“STINKY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??” He yelled at me before he grabbed onto the pack and started wrestling me for it. 

“YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE THESE IF THEY ARE GOING TO DIMINISH YOUR HEALTH!” I yelled back at him, pulling with all my strength. 

Luckily, being an alien came with perks, such as abnormal strength. Unluckily, I was also trying to take something from Zim.

I pulled hard enough to make Zim topple on top of me, still refusing to let go.

“I don't want you to die, Zim!” I defended myself.

“Why the FUCK do you care so much? It won't affect me until I'm like middle aged,” he argued.

“You’re my friend! You can't die yet! And im definitely not going to let something as stupid as a stick be the end to your legacy!” I shouted back at him. Suddenly, I felt his grip loosen and noticed him shaking a little.

“Oh Irk. Did I say something wrong? Please don't be ups-” I was interrupted by Zim’s sudden maniacal laughter. He started laughing so hard that he fell and rolled next to me. He wiped a tear out of the corner of his eye and sighed. I elevated myself on my elbow to look at his sudden change of behavior. 

“Oh stinky. I didn't realize how serious you were about this friendship. It’s kinda adorable.” Zim smirked at me. I tried to ignore the blush I felt crawling onto my face. “‘My legacy’... It's funny to see someone else besides me recognizes my amazingness. I’ll tell you what. I’ll try to lessen my intake since I’ve been meaning to quit for a while now.”

I still felt extremely flustered and confused but I did understand the part about him wanting to stop. I suddenly had an idea.

“Ok. I’ll let you keep that packet only if you give me the death-stick residing in your pocket.”

Zim quirked an eyebrow at me, confused. “Sure? Not like I can use it.” He reached into his pocket and handed me the two halves. 

I placed them in my pak, then lay back down. 

We joked around a bit while watching the sunlight set against the tree. Zim informed me about the oncoming winter and how the temperature was going to drop dramatically so I should ‘freak my shit’ when it started raining ice. 

“So, why are you out here anyways?” I asked Zim curiously.

“I get overwhelmed sometimes… especially smoking. I don't know. My inner conscious makes me feel too guilty to enjoy it sometimes and I just need to be alone.” He stared up at the sky and the tree. “If you tell anyone I’ll kill you,” he added at the end.

“Then why do you do it?” I pushed a little more.

“I dont fuckin’ know. There's so many things we do for no reason. To fit in, I mean. It doesn't seem like a big deal if it means I get to have some friends.” Zim’s tone turned more sour, so I decided to not keep persisting on the matter right now. 

After a while, it started to grow dark so we decided to say our goodbyes to the group.

“You’re really just gonna leave after you left to go snog your nerd for the last couple of hours?” Purple said, annoyed, as he sipped his soda. 

Zim immediately grew red at the comment. “Oh like you're one to talk? ALSO we weren't doing anything! I’m not automatically hooking up with anyone I hang out with. And even if I was I wouldn't have brought him here to interact with you idiots.”

Tak giggled a bit at his comeback and whispered something into Gaz’s ear, causing them to break out snickering. I could see Zim’s entire face turn an even darker shade of red and decided it might be best to get him out of here before he escalated.

“Nice meeting you guys! I hope we have the chance to hang out again.” I smiled at them politely. Hopefully I made a somewhat good impression on them.

Red chuckled. “Sure thing. Actually we’re planning a little party during winter break for-'' Red plopped a hand on top of Zim’s head and ruffled his hair. “- this little idiot's birthday.” Zim's face blushed from the sudden attention on him.

“Yeah yeah he’ll be there,” he responded. 

“Humans celebrate the day they were birthed?” I looked confusingly at the taller. 

“OK we gotta go now bbyyyeeee!” Zim grabbed Dib.

“Bye, Dib-shit, I’ll kill you later,” Gaz called out as we exited the vehicle/home. 

“Jesus. It’s like you want people to think you're an alien.” Zim poked Dib in his side. I squeaked involuntarily and Zim burst out into a maniacal laugh. 

I noticed that it had gotten rather dark. “I should probably make sure you get home alright. You lead the way,” I said.

“So you can find out where I live? Real clever dumbass.” Zim snorted.

“Aren't we Earth ‘friends’ now though?” I feigned an innocent look at him. 

“Yeah, but I don't feel like getting dissected tonight.” Zim started speed-walking.

“Wait for me!” I chased after him while he continued to laugh. 

  
  



End file.
